Get a life... Yea... A lot of people had told me that lately... I wonder... Did I really changed that much? I mean... Come on... I am still me... I still make stupid jokes... I still laugh like mad... So... what's wrong with me?
"I don't know..." that's always the answer... I guess... What ka cheh said is right... "Your 'haha' is not your haha anymore..."... Really? I mean, seriously... How is my haha like last time? They said it's more genuine... More... from the heart... Well... Now, practically... The heart has a big hole now... It's scarred so please be a bit considerate? Hah... Like they would know...
Only those who had had experience when something that is going so well and beautiful, taken away so deliberately... I experienced it twice.. Once my dad and now this... Dad because of another woman, her because... because of God??? No way! I mean... I don't want to blame God... I don't want to... But I still doubt the statement that he said God wants them to be together... I mean... I don't know... I am so confused today... Dad's images of leaving his family behind came gushing back into my mind and heart again... I thought I had put it away... I thought I had forgiven him... But actually... No... I still can't put it down... So what am I gonna do? Major heart breaks keep haunting me... I mean.. Dear... I know you don't want to look back.. And I respect your decision but to be with him because of God? You sure that it's from God? If you are using the same verse, he practically twisted it... I don't know... AHHH!! I am losing myself...
And as I try to calm myself.. Today's daily bread is psalm 46... Be still and know that I am God... So it struck me... Because it was only last Sunday that I shared with the youths of doubting God... So... I am not doing what I am preaching... Forgiveness I ask, Lord... For doubting this and that... And dwelling on the things that I shouldn't be... Lord... Please... clear my mind.... I really... need You... And... Perhaps answers... for her... Not for me... Help her and guide her Lord... Don't let her make mistakes again.. Lord... I just need to know... If this is really from you... Lord... Please help me forgive my dad... And I pray that you will keep him safe... Give me too opportunity to tell him about You... Lord... I really... don't want to be lost anymore... Guide me....
Dear brother,
ReplyDeleteI know it's hard and I've experienced this before. The thing is, in Matthew 7:7, God said He is not a God that will hide His face from us...rather, He loves us so much that whenever we seek Him, we will find Him.
There are hurts and wounds in your heart that have yet to be managed and healed properly. It takes time, but most important of all, it takes the work of the Holy Spirit.
Yes, we have strayed because of previous relationships becoming the center of our lives instead of God, but you know what? HE has never let us go and is always still holding unto us, waiting for us to turn back unto Him or He'll guide us Himself. One thing you must understand is, once your relationship with God gets back on the right track, everything will be alright again~!!!
Yes, I know it hurts and it's so hard because we're so used to having that certain he or she in our lives that when they leave, there's just this empty gap or space that feels like a chunk of ourselves missing(they took it away). However, what God has taken away, He will fill with Himself.
God is our maker and His way is higher than our way. He understands us and knows what is best for us. In fact, He will only give us what is best for us!!!
He took it away because maybe he or she is not right for us, or maybe wrong timing, or maybe wrong place. We don't know but we trust He who loves us best, is in control.
Let us pray for you, her and your family, trusting that God will never give us trials too great we cannot bear. Stay strong brother. Whenever you need someone to listen to you or pray for you, remember, your jie jie is always a message away =)
Here's a poem my mummy used to read to me :
God hath not promised skies always blue
Flower strewn pathways, all our lives through;
God hath not promised sun without rain,
Joy without sorrow, peace without pain.
God hath not promised we shall not know,
Toil and temptations, troubles and woe;
He hath not told us, we shall not bear
Many a burden, many a care.
God hath not promised smooth roads and wide
Swift, easy travel, needing no guide;
Never a mountain, rocky and steep,
Never a river, turbid and deep.
But God HATH promised strength for the day,
Rest for the laborer, light for the way;
Grace for the trials, help from above,
Unfailing sympathy, undying love.