You know... The trip back to that place was very unhappy at first... When you are a failure and you are gonna face your worst failings again... How would you feel? That's my feeling... Very bad... Very sad... That's why I chose to camp out at first... I know I may sound stupid but it's hard to face it all... Again and again... Especially places where our memories lie... Places where the smiles light up the whole town... Oh well... Life's like that huh? Things can be there for one minute and gone the other... In the end, I ended up caught by her and was erm... persuaded would be nice word... to stay in her aunt's house...
The first day was a bad day... I heard her going out of the house at 6... I couldn't sleep that night... Sad I guess... Still unable to digest everything that had happened... somehow... I was hoping that she would enter the room... To wake me up just like old times... But it remained a hope... A vain hope... Things are different now... Very much different... I get out of bed after she left and talked with her aunt's dog... (yes... I was THAT depressed but I love Ah Boy(the dog)... Very much... The best dog I ever seen in my life...) He was caring... In a way... I patted him softly and brushed his fur... He lie down still... Ears down, as if he was feeling how I feel... And I told him, "Ah boy... Could be the last time here d... Take care of your master ya? And also her... Be a good boy ya?"... And I went back into my room for some sleep.... That morning, she arranged breakfast for me with bro D... We talked a lot and he told me this... "Don't simply make promises.Even the Bible says that the person who simply makes promises is a fool." I was stunned to say the least... Cos, I just realized I made many promises and was unable to fulfill them...
Then it was time for YF... He was there... He was sharing today... Sorry to say but I felt nothing... He was invisible... I don't even want to look at him. She was his translator for that day... They make a good team... I thought... But I really couldn't look at them for even one second... Hurt, disgusted, depressed, hatred... All filled my heart... I kept praying that God will set me free... That God will give me an open heart to accept all of this... That night... I thought a lot again... After seeing her... Well, at least... She is not under pressure in her relationship... At least not like when she was with me... Always pressured by my selfishness... At least it's ok... She is with a more matured man... She was tired that night... And I told her to sleep early... For the very last time... I gave a kiss on her forehead...
Sunday morning... It was gloomy... I brewed coffee for the two of us... I think... It might be the last time too... Drinking coffee together... After service, I joined the church meeting for a while, then sneaked out to yam cha with her before I head back to PJ... She brought him along... Am fine with it... They discussed about her mom's birthday plans... Am fine with it as well... I envy them... Haha! Good life I guess...But deep down... I could see... They are under persecution by many... Hope they can last... Hope the people who are persecuting them now can see their sincerity in each other... We had a heated discussion about the church... Something I don't think I can or want to reveal... Before I left, I asked whether he was going for the camp... She said yes... I was stunned to say the least but am fine... Why was I stunned? Well... It all comes back to promise... We were suppose to watch the stars together there... Well, at least one last time... I prayed for my midterms to not be on Week 7 which is the week for the camp and God answered the prayer... No assignments were even due that week... And I will be honest... I am skipping classes for this as well... So... In the end... This happened... Alone watching the stars I guess... But she has a reason... And God has His reasons... I see it now... God wants me to go to the camp to serve Him and win souls for Him and not to please someone...
On my way back here in PJ.. I decided that it was time... To let go... Really let go... It has been a hard journey but I am not with her now... But I know... GOd will take care of her... Surely, He will love her more than I do... I wouldn't say that I do not love her now... I still do but to let go is to love sometimes...And from now on, my memoirs of smile will not of somebody's lovely smile. But will be of everybody's... One thing I learned is that it takes a person's smile to light up my heart but it takes everybody's smile to light up my world... Now, I just don't wish that my world is revolved around just one person... But to every person I know, I love and I care... Even to those I just met... I want my world to be revolved around them... It takes one person paint a colour but it takes everybody to paint a rainbow... And they are my rainbow...
I don't want to just keep remembering somebody's smile... I want to keep remembering everybody's smile... From mama's to papa's to my uncles' and aunties' and couzies'... From Adrian's, to Kun's and Andrew's, to Esther jie's to Jia Yi's to Yinfy's and to the whole of UTAR friends... From old friends back in Taiping and not-so-new friends in Kampar, to my CF members and to new and coming soon friends... Their smiles... Will be the source of my smile... Thanks guys and girls... I really appreciate you all.... hence... Memoirs of Everybody's Lovely Smiles...
p.s Will pray for a better life for you and him ya? Don't worry too much... God will take care of His church, His people and His works... Be passionate about everything you do... Bye...
Isaiah out...
Monday, November 23, 2009
Saturday, November 21, 2009
And she said to the stranger...
And the stranger lost in the sea of thought,
Thought of being a stranger in his home,
And she came to the stranger with a loving smile,
The hand she took and held on tight.
He looked at her confused and puzzled,
She looked back in his eyes, hard but warm,
He said, " I am just another stranger in this land,
Who am I to you?"
And she said to the stranger,
"You are someone important,
Though a stranger you think you are,
but welcome you, I have."
He said to her,
"But life is nothing without you,
Meaningless, cold and dark,
I am sorry for the things past,
But can we be lost in love again?"
And she said to the stranger,
"No... We cannot...
But deep down here where our memories' sanctuary lie
Our love burns brighter than ever,
You are not a stranger in this home."
He said,
"And can I still see that smile?
When I come back here,
Even if we can't be,
Will you be happy?"
She said,
"Yes, my darling, this smile shall never leave your heart,
Yes, dear, that I will be happy but promise me...
That you will forget me...
And all things shall be better for you..."
He said
"Lie not, my dearest..
Your smile shall be in my dreams day and night...
But how can I forget you?
You whom I love..."
She said,
"Then live to be happy,
To cherish every moment you have with people you love,
Live to tell the world of our love...
Oh you whom I love too..."
He said,
"Should I come back to this home,
Just to see that smile again?
Could I just be here, to watch you from afar?
To be your silent guardian angel?"
And she looked into the hazel brown eyes of the stranger,
As he held her tight in his arms for one last time,
They sang the song they love,
Before he returns to be a stranger in this home...
Thought of being a stranger in his home,
And she came to the stranger with a loving smile,
The hand she took and held on tight.
He looked at her confused and puzzled,
She looked back in his eyes, hard but warm,
He said, " I am just another stranger in this land,
Who am I to you?"
And she said to the stranger,
"You are someone important,
Though a stranger you think you are,
but welcome you, I have."
He said to her,
"But life is nothing without you,
Meaningless, cold and dark,
I am sorry for the things past,
But can we be lost in love again?"
And she said to the stranger,
"No... We cannot...
But deep down here where our memories' sanctuary lie
Our love burns brighter than ever,
You are not a stranger in this home."
He said,
"And can I still see that smile?
When I come back here,
Even if we can't be,
Will you be happy?"
She said,
"Yes, my darling, this smile shall never leave your heart,
Yes, dear, that I will be happy but promise me...
That you will forget me...
And all things shall be better for you..."
He said
"Lie not, my dearest..
Your smile shall be in my dreams day and night...
But how can I forget you?
You whom I love..."
She said,
"Then live to be happy,
To cherish every moment you have with people you love,
Live to tell the world of our love...
Oh you whom I love too..."
He said,
"Should I come back to this home,
Just to see that smile again?
Could I just be here, to watch you from afar?
To be your silent guardian angel?"
And she looked into the hazel brown eyes of the stranger,
As he held her tight in his arms for one last time,
They sang the song they love,
Before he returns to be a stranger in this home...
Thursday, November 19, 2009
A Stranger in His Home...
A month long since,
A tad too long it seems,
The distance grew,
Fading away in memory, his home...
Up in the sky as he look,
Stars and moon alike,
Accompany him they seem to be,
And how wonderful the sight be...
He glances to his home,
From a far away place,
Unable to set foot in,
Embarrassment and regret haunt his dreams...
As he looks around in darkness,
And clutches his bag pack tight,
He is found lost in the sea,
In the thought of being a stranger in his home...
And memories passed him by,
His tears streamed down,
His soft moan heard not,
Forgive himself, he cannot.
As the chilly wind of the night blows,
He was kept cool,
In a land he once called home...
But now he is just another stranger unable to go home...
A tad too long it seems,
The distance grew,
Fading away in memory, his home...
Up in the sky as he look,
Stars and moon alike,
Accompany him they seem to be,
And how wonderful the sight be...
He glances to his home,
From a far away place,
Unable to set foot in,
Embarrassment and regret haunt his dreams...
As he looks around in darkness,
And clutches his bag pack tight,
He is found lost in the sea,
In the thought of being a stranger in his home...
And memories passed him by,
His tears streamed down,
His soft moan heard not,
Forgive himself, he cannot.
As the chilly wind of the night blows,
He was kept cool,
In a land he once called home...
But now he is just another stranger unable to go home...
And the adventure begins...
There's gonna be a big adventure tomorrow night!! Haha!! A bit excited and scared as well, cos I haven't been doing that for a long time... What is the adventure you say? Well, not something I can tell you now lest somebody knows... Hehe! Well, I feel a bit guilty for making other people lie to somebody... Sorry about that ya? But you know what they say, a lil white lie won't hurt... Lolz... Neways, it's gonna be stars and moon for me... The only problem is... I need a place to bath... Hmm... Public toilet? Don't know la... We'll see how things work out...
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Of Midterm, Assignments and Super Appetite...
Darn it, darn it, darn it, darn it, darn it........................................ Midterm is coming!! Assignments are pending!! Super appetite is back! Sh*t... I hate this period of time... It's one of my worst nightmares and guess what? Uni life... 4 more years to go, man... So what's left now is my hair falling in a tremendous rate and also the emo face for others to look at... Ya ya ya ya... I know.. COntrol emo... ya... I know... Control... I AM CONTROLLING..................... Erm... Ok... Maybe you can help me to control by tying my hands to my back and taping my mouth (ask Adrian and my housemates why...)...
This morning I drank Neslo (Nescafe+Milo) and I got hyper in sociology class..Sorry Adrian and Loong Kun cos I kept singing "I'm a believer"... Sorry... but I love that song a lot! Haha!! Haiz... hope this worse period of time will be over fast!!!!!!
And by the way... WE are doing shooting today! For a new horror movie for our press conference... Lol... First time doing that kind of genre... Yiing Yi have to stay at Susanna's earlier than usual today... Have to rush everything over... Hoping for rainless 4 days... Let's pray for it man! Haha!! Happy shooting vid today guys and girls!! And Yiing Yi... Welcome to the crazy family of sec 17... lolz...
Isaiah out...
This morning I drank Neslo (Nescafe+Milo) and I got hyper in sociology class..Sorry Adrian and Loong Kun cos I kept singing "I'm a believer"... Sorry... but I love that song a lot! Haha!! Haiz... hope this worse period of time will be over fast!!!!!!
And by the way... WE are doing shooting today! For a new horror movie for our press conference... Lol... First time doing that kind of genre... Yiing Yi have to stay at Susanna's earlier than usual today... Have to rush everything over... Hoping for rainless 4 days... Let's pray for it man! Haha!! Happy shooting vid today guys and girls!! And Yiing Yi... Welcome to the crazy family of sec 17... lolz...
Isaiah out...
Sunday, November 15, 2009
2012- From a Christian's Perspective
By now, I guess most people had already watched 2012... Ok, it's a good movie with some cliches here and there but take a closer look, it has very biblical references to it rather than the rubbish Mayan predictions. Sure enough, there were some scientific stuff at the beginning of the movie, with you know, the sun had an explosion with particles, reaching the earth, heating up the core blah blah blah... Kinna puts you to sleep at the front tho the idea of underground water heating up by microwaves is scary... Anyway, moving on... Previous post was more to the emotional side so now... Let's look at it in a different view, shall we? Lolz... Do I even sound professional? Ok... SS moment there...
Now first of all, let's look at the destruction of the cities which you must notice they literally crumble down. There's massive earthquake, the earth blew up into puffs of smoke, ash clouds.. blah blah blah... It's all from the Bible... Well not all of them... But here's the scripture that says so...
" 12I watched as he opened the sixth seal. There was a great earthquake. The sun turned black like sackcloth made of goat hair, the whole moon turned blood red, 13and the stars in the sky fell to earth, as late figs drop from a fig tree when shaken by a strong wind. 14The sky receded like a scroll, rolling up, and every mountain and island was removed from its place." -Revelation 6:12-14...
There you have it... And remember the they build the arcs in Tibet at Mount Everest? Here's another scripture about it...
"15Then the kings of the earth, the princes, the generals, the rich, the mighty, and every slave and every free man hid in caves and among the rocks of the mountains. 16They called to the mountains and the rocks, "Fall on us and hide us from the face of him who sits on the throne and from the wrath of the Lamb!" -Revelation 6:15-16
While they build the arc in the cave instead of hiding inside... Remember when the waves came and hit them? Initially, I thought they will set sail and instead, they were anchored to the mountain which well to me, translated to hiding... Get my point?
And the ash clouds... That was nasty ain't it? Pity the president... I like him alot but being crushed by the waves and USS John Kennedy is too cruel a way to die, don't you think so? Here's another scripture about the ash clouds... Didn't say anything about the President dying tho.. Lolz...
"1The fifth angel sounded his trumpet, and I saw a star that had fallen from the sky to the earth. The star was given the key to the shaft of the Abyss. 2When he opened the Abyss, smoke rose from it like the smoke from a gigantic furnace. The sun and sky were darkened by the smoke from the Abyss." - Revelation 9:1-2 -
Erm, surprised yet? No? Well... There are other parts... Hold on... Hmmm... Oh... Remember the amount of people that we saved? Hmm... not that much right?
"18A third of mankind was killed by the three plagues of fire, smoke and sulfur that came out of their mouths." -Revelation 9:18-
You gotta read the whole of chapter 9 to really know what's going on... This verse is just to prove that most of 2012 is based on the Bible... And the earthquakes.. Yupz.. In the Bible too...
All too familiar eh? Haha! and the arcs that they built was exactly like the one that God asked Noah to build... Here's the prove:
"14 So make yourself an ark of cypress wood; make rooms in it and coat it with pitch inside and out. 15 This is how you are to build it: The ark is to be 450 feet long, 75 feet wide and 45 feet high. 16 Make a roof for it and finish the ark to within 18 inches of the top. Put a door in the side of the ark and make lower, middle and upper decks." -Genesis 6:14-16-
I am not sure if these convince you but they are all true.. But hey, rest assured that the Earth won't be flooded like in 2012 cos God had already said He won't do that again. You know, the movie actually taught us Christians a lot of things... That no matter how much we pray adversities will still be there... Ok, it may seem not fair but hey... Did God ever promised us an easy road ahead? No... Cos when Adam sinned, everything was has become guilty... Satan was given the authority to rule over the Earth and thus life will never be easy at the end... To unbelievers, they might think that what's the use of believing when there are still problems... But to us, we should know why... And I think that it's important that we show them why...
It's a question that we must ask ourselves... What have we done for the Lord here when apocalypse really comes? The signs are there for us to see... Sometimes, we are just too ignorant of that fact but I think the movie is really a good and timely reminder for us... And if 2012 is real, that will be just 3 years from now... So... 3 years from now, where do you stand for the Lord? Will you be afraid of the end of days when it comes? The answers are better kept to yourselves... And remember... God will never leave us nor forsake us... So... The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
2012-From a Christian's Perspective... well more to proving the movie is from the Bible la... haha!
Isaiah out...
Now first of all, let's look at the destruction of the cities which you must notice they literally crumble down. There's massive earthquake, the earth blew up into puffs of smoke, ash clouds.. blah blah blah... It's all from the Bible... Well not all of them... But here's the scripture that says so...
" 12I watched as he opened the sixth seal. There was a great earthquake. The sun turned black like sackcloth made of goat hair, the whole moon turned blood red, 13and the stars in the sky fell to earth, as late figs drop from a fig tree when shaken by a strong wind. 14The sky receded like a scroll, rolling up, and every mountain and island was removed from its place." -Revelation 6:12-14...
There you have it... And remember the they build the arcs in Tibet at Mount Everest? Here's another scripture about it...
"15Then the kings of the earth, the princes, the generals, the rich, the mighty, and every slave and every free man hid in caves and among the rocks of the mountains. 16They called to the mountains and the rocks, "Fall on us and hide us from the face of him who sits on the throne and from the wrath of the Lamb!" -Revelation 6:15-16
While they build the arc in the cave instead of hiding inside... Remember when the waves came and hit them? Initially, I thought they will set sail and instead, they were anchored to the mountain which well to me, translated to hiding... Get my point?
And the ash clouds... That was nasty ain't it? Pity the president... I like him alot but being crushed by the waves and USS John Kennedy is too cruel a way to die, don't you think so? Here's another scripture about the ash clouds... Didn't say anything about the President dying tho.. Lolz...
"1The fifth angel sounded his trumpet, and I saw a star that had fallen from the sky to the earth. The star was given the key to the shaft of the Abyss. 2When he opened the Abyss, smoke rose from it like the smoke from a gigantic furnace. The sun and sky were darkened by the smoke from the Abyss." - Revelation 9:1-2 -
Erm, surprised yet? No? Well... There are other parts... Hold on... Hmmm... Oh... Remember the amount of people that we saved? Hmm... not that much right?
"18A third of mankind was killed by the three plagues of fire, smoke and sulfur that came out of their mouths." -Revelation 9:18-
You gotta read the whole of chapter 9 to really know what's going on... This verse is just to prove that most of 2012 is based on the Bible... And the earthquakes.. Yupz.. In the Bible too...
"18Then there came flashes of lightning, rumblings, peals of thunder and a severe earthquake. No earthquake like it has ever occurred since man has been on earth, so tremendous was the quake. 19The great city split into three parts, and the cities of the nations collapsed. God remembered Babylon the Great and gave her the cup filled with the wine of the fury of his wrath. 20Every island fled away and the mountains could not be found. 21From the sky huge hailstones of about a hundred pounds each fell upon men. And they cursed God on account of the plague of hail, because the plague was so terrible." -Revelation 16:18-21-
All too familiar eh? Haha! and the arcs that they built was exactly like the one that God asked Noah to build... Here's the prove:
I am not sure if these convince you but they are all true.. But hey, rest assured that the Earth won't be flooded like in 2012 cos God had already said He won't do that again. You know, the movie actually taught us Christians a lot of things... That no matter how much we pray adversities will still be there... Ok, it may seem not fair but hey... Did God ever promised us an easy road ahead? No... Cos when Adam sinned, everything was has become guilty... Satan was given the authority to rule over the Earth and thus life will never be easy at the end... To unbelievers, they might think that what's the use of believing when there are still problems... But to us, we should know why... And I think that it's important that we show them why...
It's a question that we must ask ourselves... What have we done for the Lord here when apocalypse really comes? The signs are there for us to see... Sometimes, we are just too ignorant of that fact but I think the movie is really a good and timely reminder for us... And if 2012 is real, that will be just 3 years from now... So... 3 years from now, where do you stand for the Lord? Will you be afraid of the end of days when it comes? The answers are better kept to yourselves... And remember... God will never leave us nor forsake us... So... The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
2012-From a Christian's Perspective... well more to proving the movie is from the Bible la... haha!
Isaiah out...
Saturday, November 14, 2009
2012
After watching the highly anticipated movie... It really makes you think about life... How fragile life is... Also teach us about humanity... How selfish can one become in tight situations... But the movie also taught me that, one can also become selfless... Can also learn to love... To appreciate... the people around me.....
From the movie... I also learnt that... Nothing lasts for a lifetime... except of course God... He is the eternal God.. But we, humans, and all things on this earth... Nothing lasts... We will all return to the soil one day... This earth will belong to God once again...
How quickly I realised that I need to appreciate the people around me... How I need to stop getting myself into depression and out again... How I need to halt this endless cycle of confusion... How the sadness in my heart is triggered again and I finally let it all out when I finally get back into this cage... It feels... Light now.. So relieved... The burdens are still here and be assured that they will still be upon this tired shoulders for the rest of my life... Carry it I must and I know God will help me through this... And how I want to thank the people who helped me alot... Should I list them down? Lolz... Yea... I should...
1. Dawn Jie
2. Esther Jie
3. Paul
4. Adrian
5. Yinfy
6. Jia Yi
7. Cheong Keen
8. Derk
9. Shirley
10. Kun
11. Yiing Yi
12. Miki (Eugine)
13. Ishii
14. Selina
15. In Ru
16. Joey
17. Tracy
18. Hue Ying
19. Cheng Kai
20. See Pin Jie
21. Raymond
22. Sarah Hor
Last but not least...
23. My lovely lil mui mui Joanne...
Some helped in large ways and others in tiny lil ways... But I appreciate it all..They bright up my life... They filled it with colours. They pulled me up when I have fallen... They hit me on the face when I am disillusion... They hugged me when I am feeling blue... They make me laugh when I lost my smile... They lent me their shoulders when I am tired and they love me without wanting anything back... And you know what? I love them too... And sometimes I would wonder how will I ever survive this without them...
You know... If the world is to really end today.. There's only one thing I want to do now... That smile... I want to see it again... I'll be praying that I can... No tears... Just that smile...No words... Just that smile... Nothing else... Just that smile....
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Fulfilling promises
Sometimes, I wonder why God created such a thing called promise... It's... So hard to fulfill them, yet so easy to make one... I talked to a friend yesterday... He asked me if I am still gonna attend the event... I said yes... And he asked why... "I made a promise and I intend to fulfill it.."... You know what he said? He said well, indirectly, that I am a fool... And that somebody is someone who expects people to keep their promises but not hers... I am sorry but I beg to differ... I knew that she meant every word she said when we were together... I know that when she says those three words, she means it... Yes, you may think that I am an idiot... But I never regretted... Many people keep telling me to let go but it's hard you know? I guess this is where "easier said than done" applies...
Endured yet another sleepless night... Endured yet another body aching morning wake up... Today is much more serious... I can't get myself to wake up... The pain was a bit too much to bear... And... I am ashamed of myself... I am really drifting away from Him... I don't want to be this way.. I don't want that just because of a broken relationship, that I will slowly walk out on God... It's stupid... It's idiotic... But... I can't help myself... Since then, everything is going
spiral down... Money is a huge problem... My health is not getting any better tho those pimples are going away... I can't concentrate that well in class tho I may look like it... And laziness is creeping on me... Somehow, most things felt meaningless... Yea... Hopeless as well... Is this normal? Tell me it's not, maybe I'll snap out of it...
Two days past and yet not one message... Maybe, ran out of credit? Or are You telling me that I shouldn't harbour any hopes anymore? But how can I? Lord, remember that pledge? Am I stuck this way because of that? Lord, help me... Lord... Please..........
You know, for the past few weeks I have been trying... Maybe to like someone else... Maybe just to stop thinking about it again... But I realized quickly that even if I were to start another relationship, she will be no more than just a substitute, a replacement... She will be hurt more than anyone else... Besides, it's totally absurd to be praying for a special one or THE ONE... It's just stupid... And... I still very much l**e her... She maybe gone.. But seriously, happiness is what I hope fills her now... And that the persecutions will lessen... But I don't feel easy... About all this... How it ended... It's fishy or is it just jealousy? I don't know.. I have to stop thinking about it... I have to stop stop stop...
Promises... I made a tons of them but yet never get to fulfill most of them... I am so afraid of making one now... That one promise can wreck people's lives... That one promise could leave a scar on one's heart... This promise of attending the event... Fulfill it I must... Because I don't want to break any promises anymore... Can I be selfish? Can he not go?? I don't know... *sigh*... Can I stop being so selfish...
Endured yet another sleepless night... Endured yet another body aching morning wake up... Today is much more serious... I can't get myself to wake up... The pain was a bit too much to bear... And... I am ashamed of myself... I am really drifting away from Him... I don't want to be this way.. I don't want that just because of a broken relationship, that I will slowly walk out on God... It's stupid... It's idiotic... But... I can't help myself... Since then, everything is going
spiral down... Money is a huge problem... My health is not getting any better tho those pimples are going away... I can't concentrate that well in class tho I may look like it... And laziness is creeping on me... Somehow, most things felt meaningless... Yea... Hopeless as well... Is this normal? Tell me it's not, maybe I'll snap out of it...
Two days past and yet not one message... Maybe, ran out of credit? Or are You telling me that I shouldn't harbour any hopes anymore? But how can I? Lord, remember that pledge? Am I stuck this way because of that? Lord, help me... Lord... Please..........
You know, for the past few weeks I have been trying... Maybe to like someone else... Maybe just to stop thinking about it again... But I realized quickly that even if I were to start another relationship, she will be no more than just a substitute, a replacement... She will be hurt more than anyone else... Besides, it's totally absurd to be praying for a special one or THE ONE... It's just stupid... And... I still very much l**e her... She maybe gone.. But seriously, happiness is what I hope fills her now... And that the persecutions will lessen... But I don't feel easy... About all this... How it ended... It's fishy or is it just jealousy? I don't know.. I have to stop thinking about it... I have to stop stop stop...
Promises... I made a tons of them but yet never get to fulfill most of them... I am so afraid of making one now... That one promise can wreck people's lives... That one promise could leave a scar on one's heart... This promise of attending the event... Fulfill it I must... Because I don't want to break any promises anymore... Can I be selfish? Can he not go?? I don't know... *sigh*... Can I stop being so selfish...
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Talent Show - The good, the bad, the ugly... (I nearly forgot)
All right... I was suppose to post this yesterday but now only I remember... Lolz... I was not planning to write about the Talent Show organized by our notorious dance club but something prompted me to do so... I'll tell you the reason later on... So here goes..
The Good
The fireman was pretty much awesome. Well, can't deny the fact that he's a professional... I wonder what he uses as fuel for the fire... Is it kerosene or alcohol? The way he plays with the fire and lighting it up literally, up his arm, abdomen and also... er... you-know-where... It's so fantabombabulous that I want to jump off my seat and cheer for encore... Ok... I didn't do that, of course, lest I look like
an idiot (which I do very much often)... Then, there was the singing by Jordan or affectionately and exclusively known as Xiao Jun or Jun Jun by TB 1... And the guitar plucking by In Ru.. Haha! They were both awesome... Only to be let down by the stupid sound system and the uncooperative audience (shame on you!)... But both of the performers still managed to give me goose bumps. And then there's the popping... One word - fantastic and perfect... Er... Did I say one word? I meant two... Haha! Neways, heard that they are professionals so no wonder... Another thing that is good about the show (or concert?) is the make up... They were 4 stars scary... By that, I mean they do look like zombies or vampires or whoever they are suppose to be... And the big guy who's the bodyguard... Ya... Those over buffed muscles are really scary... And do you really had to go shave your head? Bald doesn't suit you man... You do look familiar tho... Are you Thomas? hahaha!!
The Bad
This pretty much goes down to the sound system... It's either they have no sound man or the whole system sucks... Sorry to say but the the mic is pretty much annoying cos it's too loud and I can't hear what the emcee is saying... He's a funny guy you know? The emcee... But the mic let him down... And for goodness sake, I can't even hear the singing... So it's just bad... And because of that the band that performed sounded real bad... I am sure that they are gonna sound good but in the end, the sound system really really spoil everything... And sh*t! How dare you do your sound check in front of the audience? Aren't you suppose to do that before the show? It shows unprofessionalism.. I am seriously annoyed by that... Lolz... You can't just expect the audience to wait while you tune your bass, tune your guitar, and just say sorry... Respect, please... The drums are abit too loud and The guitar volumes are like those being played in a stadium... It made Loong Kun headache... Lolz... The audience was, well in my opinion, pretty much uncooperative... Come on, people are giving a show... The least you could do is cheer and talk softly... Respect the show la... Before I forget this point... Er... Isn't this a Halloween show? But the music that is played while the audience settled down is nothing related to Halloween..
The Ugly
I admit... Because of Yiing Yi and Eugine (their make up is awesome and it really did scare me)., i had night mares... Yiing Yi was gobbling down my head and Eugine was chewing my hand... It's so scary... And guess what? This was what prompted me to write this post... Unbelievable! Here's the pic...
Ok... Well... In some aspects, the dance club did pretty much a successful show... Attracting 400++ audience is no easy feat and kudos to you all for holding your heads high even in the midst of so much distractions and problems... And also good job in managing to give me nightmares... Well, don't think this is the last show that you guys are gonna organize so hope you all will put up an even better show next time....
p.s thanks Yinfy for fetching us back... Hehe!
The Good
The fireman was pretty much awesome. Well, can't deny the fact that he's a professional... I wonder what he uses as fuel for the fire... Is it kerosene or alcohol? The way he plays with the fire and lighting it up literally, up his arm, abdomen and also... er... you-know-where... It's so fantabombabulous that I want to jump off my seat and cheer for encore... Ok... I didn't do that, of course, lest I look like
an idiot (which I do very much often)... Then, there was the singing by Jordan or affectionately and exclusively known as Xiao Jun or Jun Jun by TB 1... And the guitar plucking by In Ru.. Haha! They were both awesome... Only to be let down by the stupid sound system and the uncooperative audience (shame on you!)... But both of the performers still managed to give me goose bumps. And then there's the popping... One word - fantastic and perfect... Er... Did I say one word? I meant two... Haha! Neways, heard that they are professionals so no wonder... Another thing that is good about the show (or concert?) is the make up... They were 4 stars scary... By that, I mean they do look like zombies or vampires or whoever they are suppose to be... And the big guy who's the bodyguard... Ya... Those over buffed muscles are really scary... And do you really had to go shave your head? Bald doesn't suit you man... You do look familiar tho... Are you Thomas? hahaha!!
The Bad
This pretty much goes down to the sound system... It's either they have no sound man or the whole system sucks... Sorry to say but the the mic is pretty much annoying cos it's too loud and I can't hear what the emcee is saying... He's a funny guy you know? The emcee... But the mic let him down... And for goodness sake, I can't even hear the singing... So it's just bad... And because of that the band that performed sounded real bad... I am sure that they are gonna sound good but in the end, the sound system really really spoil everything... And sh*t! How dare you do your sound check in front of the audience? Aren't you suppose to do that before the show? It shows unprofessionalism.. I am seriously annoyed by that... Lolz... You can't just expect the audience to wait while you tune your bass, tune your guitar, and just say sorry... Respect, please... The drums are abit too loud and The guitar volumes are like those being played in a stadium... It made Loong Kun headache... Lolz... The audience was, well in my opinion, pretty much uncooperative... Come on, people are giving a show... The least you could do is cheer and talk softly... Respect the show la... Before I forget this point... Er... Isn't this a Halloween show? But the music that is played while the audience settled down is nothing related to Halloween..
The Ugly
I admit... Because of Yiing Yi and Eugine (their make up is awesome and it really did scare me)., i had night mares... Yiing Yi was gobbling down my head and Eugine was chewing my hand... It's so scary... And guess what? This was what prompted me to write this post... Unbelievable! Here's the pic...
Ok... Well... In some aspects, the dance club did pretty much a successful show... Attracting 400++ audience is no easy feat and kudos to you all for holding your heads high even in the midst of so much distractions and problems... And also good job in managing to give me nightmares... Well, don't think this is the last show that you guys are gonna organize so hope you all will put up an even better show next time....
p.s thanks Yinfy for fetching us back... Hehe!
Being financially uncertain...
Hmm... I guess it's something that's bothering everyone including me... I've gotta be honest... My money keeps flowing out and nothing goes back in... If this continues, I'll be potentially staring at a blank account in due weeks... I have to stop the rot... I need to WORK... Yup... That's the only answer to it right now... I can't be asking my parents for money all the time... It's just well... selfish... They need it for themselves... So so so... Work is what i need... But what can I work as? Waiter? Chef (lolz)? I wonder... But being financially uncertain is something that is not fun to be in... Help me, Lord... Help me...
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Life's harsh reminder (part 2)
It came from the police. The phone call... He dropped the phone on the floor with eyes of disbelief and heart filled with confusion, fear and sorrow. The world came crashing down on him. Everything now seemed meaningless and black. He stood up, put his hands on his face and looked through the window. He muttered, "sorry..." and cried. His wife and children... were gone... forever...
As the man's wife struggled to hold on to her children, the ship sinked cruelly into the depths of the sea. Even then, she blamed not her husband for she loved him so much. She could only moan the misfortune that had beset upon her children and herself. Even in her vain hoping that at least her children would be saved, she knew that no one would survive the freezing waters of the sea. The waves battered the ship relentlessly and in the end, it gave way.... Sinking into the dark, cold realm below....
Tears streamed down his cheeks again as he witnessed the passing of time in front of him. The inevitable cruelty and condemnation that had beset upon him. The robbing of his precious from him. It was too much to bear... But there's nothing he could do to correct those mistakes. He neglected his family.. Neglected what they truly wanted from him as a husband and a dad... But now, they were gone... Never again those smiles will be seen and laughters be heard... No more... As he bemoans his lost, he took a step further towards the edge of the building... "Sorry" was the last word he said... And into the streets below, he flew....
p.s... I don't know how to put it but this story just comes to my mind. It's a reminder to us all that life isn't all about what we are doing or dreaming... But most important it's about the people around us and those who love and care for us. Wealth is but a very temporary luxury we can have. Fame is but a mere white elephant. Family is moon of the night, lighting up the dark. They are the ones who will support, love and care and adore us. Friends are the stars that makes the sky beautiful. They are the ones who lighten up our lives, colour our days with laughters and stand by us through it all... Don't ignore them. Don't neglect them. Love them... With all your heart and soul... They might be here today but gone tomorrow.... Until then... Take this chance to say... I love you...
p.p.s To the 3 UTARians... James Khor Wan Kai, Yew Shy Gin and Yew Ghim Chnieh, this story is dedicated to you... I don't know any of you but you reminded us all that appreciation and care for our loved ones are very important... Finally... Rest In Peace... Good bye....
As the man's wife struggled to hold on to her children, the ship sinked cruelly into the depths of the sea. Even then, she blamed not her husband for she loved him so much. She could only moan the misfortune that had beset upon her children and herself. Even in her vain hoping that at least her children would be saved, she knew that no one would survive the freezing waters of the sea. The waves battered the ship relentlessly and in the end, it gave way.... Sinking into the dark, cold realm below....
Tears streamed down his cheeks again as he witnessed the passing of time in front of him. The inevitable cruelty and condemnation that had beset upon him. The robbing of his precious from him. It was too much to bear... But there's nothing he could do to correct those mistakes. He neglected his family.. Neglected what they truly wanted from him as a husband and a dad... But now, they were gone... Never again those smiles will be seen and laughters be heard... No more... As he bemoans his lost, he took a step further towards the edge of the building... "Sorry" was the last word he said... And into the streets below, he flew....
p.s... I don't know how to put it but this story just comes to my mind. It's a reminder to us all that life isn't all about what we are doing or dreaming... But most important it's about the people around us and those who love and care for us. Wealth is but a very temporary luxury we can have. Fame is but a mere white elephant. Family is moon of the night, lighting up the dark. They are the ones who will support, love and care and adore us. Friends are the stars that makes the sky beautiful. They are the ones who lighten up our lives, colour our days with laughters and stand by us through it all... Don't ignore them. Don't neglect them. Love them... With all your heart and soul... They might be here today but gone tomorrow.... Until then... Take this chance to say... I love you...
p.p.s To the 3 UTARians... James Khor Wan Kai, Yew Shy Gin and Yew Ghim Chnieh, this story is dedicated to you... I don't know any of you but you reminded us all that appreciation and care for our loved ones are very important... Finally... Rest In Peace... Good bye....
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Life's harsh reminder (part 1)
A man stands by the side of the road, looking at the people around him. They walked past him as if he was invisible. They were all rushing here and there constantly on the phone or on their PDA... They can't seem to care what is going on around. The man sat quietly at a corner. He was hungry. He hadn't eaten for days. He hadn't nice clothes to wear. Nor shoes to protect his feet. Nor a roof over to give him shelter. NO one cared. NO one took notice at his predicament. He watched them... Horrified at the fact he was once one of them...
He was the big shot of one of the biggest company. He was what other people call as successful. He is the kind of man who can make something out of nothing. He was wealthy. He was what every man wants to be in this world. He was happy or so he thought... He had a loving wife and two beautiful children. You can say that he was a family man. He would spend time with them no matter how busy he was. You could say he loved them for he lavishes gift on them. But he failed in one thing... Understanding them... He thought by providing them with wealth defines his love for them... How wrong was he... He never knew that his wife loved chocolates. He never knew his son was a very good writer. Nor did he knew his daughter wants to sing to him. He missed out a lot... Tho he thought he had done enough...
One day, he decided to take them out on a summer vacation in his private ship to the ocean. The vacation was going very well indeed. This time, it was really quality time spent with his family... There were no interruptions or so he thought... Out of the blue, he got an emergency call from his secretary. He was needed back in his company. He looked at his wife and she said to him "go on... We'll be fine here" and smiled brightly... He sighed and went on his way back to shore with another boat.
Indeed his company was in an emergency... All of a sudden, the company's shares was beginning to drop. He was baffled. Not knowing what exactly was happening. As he sat in his office, he got another phone call....
He was the big shot of one of the biggest company. He was what other people call as successful. He is the kind of man who can make something out of nothing. He was wealthy. He was what every man wants to be in this world. He was happy or so he thought... He had a loving wife and two beautiful children. You can say that he was a family man. He would spend time with them no matter how busy he was. You could say he loved them for he lavishes gift on them. But he failed in one thing... Understanding them... He thought by providing them with wealth defines his love for them... How wrong was he... He never knew that his wife loved chocolates. He never knew his son was a very good writer. Nor did he knew his daughter wants to sing to him. He missed out a lot... Tho he thought he had done enough...
One day, he decided to take them out on a summer vacation in his private ship to the ocean. The vacation was going very well indeed. This time, it was really quality time spent with his family... There were no interruptions or so he thought... Out of the blue, he got an emergency call from his secretary. He was needed back in his company. He looked at his wife and she said to him "go on... We'll be fine here" and smiled brightly... He sighed and went on his way back to shore with another boat.
Indeed his company was in an emergency... All of a sudden, the company's shares was beginning to drop. He was baffled. Not knowing what exactly was happening. As he sat in his office, he got another phone call....
Monday, November 2, 2009
What is your legacy?
http://www.thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2009/11/2/nation/5024687&sec=nation
By clinking on the link above, you'd end up in a tragedy of 4 friends... By now, most of us will already know that 3 UTARians drowned in the waterfall at Kampar. It's shocking... How the news eluded me for the past few days till Ka Cheh told me about it... I was shocked... Shocked and surprised that it actually happened... Look at their age... No more than 21... They were young... Most probably vibrant young people ready to take on the world... I know them not... But it hurts... Hurts me when lives are lost just like that... In a blink... In a flash, everything they hoped, dreamed, ambitioned are now lost... Their loved ones will now suffer the pain of lost...
Ironically, it reminds us here for those who are still living... So clearly that life is short... We may be here for one minute and gone the other... Sometimes, I think... we take life for granted... As if we have the right and authority to HAVE this life... It's so wrong... Cos, life isn't ours... We were GIVEN life... and life can be TAKEN AWAY as well... After much toiling lately with my inner self... About how useless have I become... I can only come to this conclusion... Something that was buried down in my mind by my youth pastor...
"Isaiah, if you die tomorrow, what will be your legacy?"
I wonder what will my legacy be when I do truly die... Life is too short to enjoy sometimes... Life is too demanding to relax most of the time... If I do truly die, I only want to leave these two legacies or maybe just advice to the people I love and care...
By clinking on the link above, you'd end up in a tragedy of 4 friends... By now, most of us will already know that 3 UTARians drowned in the waterfall at Kampar. It's shocking... How the news eluded me for the past few days till Ka Cheh told me about it... I was shocked... Shocked and surprised that it actually happened... Look at their age... No more than 21... They were young... Most probably vibrant young people ready to take on the world... I know them not... But it hurts... Hurts me when lives are lost just like that... In a blink... In a flash, everything they hoped, dreamed, ambitioned are now lost... Their loved ones will now suffer the pain of lost...
Ironically, it reminds us here for those who are still living... So clearly that life is short... We may be here for one minute and gone the other... Sometimes, I think... we take life for granted... As if we have the right and authority to HAVE this life... It's so wrong... Cos, life isn't ours... We were GIVEN life... and life can be TAKEN AWAY as well... After much toiling lately with my inner self... About how useless have I become... I can only come to this conclusion... Something that was buried down in my mind by my youth pastor...
"Isaiah, if you die tomorrow, what will be your legacy?"
I wonder what will my legacy be when I do truly die... Life is too short to enjoy sometimes... Life is too demanding to relax most of the time... If I do truly die, I only want to leave these two legacies or maybe just advice to the people I love and care...
"Live life to the fullest centered around God"
and
"Keep smiling"
I hope when this is what I will leave behind when one day... I return to the Lord... As for somebody... Life is too short to ponder too much... Live life as it is, enjoy it, stop pushing too hard and... remember the 4 Loves... Love God, Love your family, Love your friends, Love yourself...
and
"Keep smiling"
I hope when this is what I will leave behind when one day... I return to the Lord... As for somebody... Life is too short to ponder too much... Live life as it is, enjoy it, stop pushing too hard and... remember the 4 Loves... Love God, Love your family, Love your friends, Love yourself...
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Freaking idiot...
Can I just say that I am the most freaking idiot in the whole wide world? Sometimes, I am just so baffled that I always always fail to learn my lessons... Look at me... I am a far cry of who I really am... Or am I always this way last time? Definitely not... I don't recall myself being snappy... I don't recall myself being so sarcastic that it annoys people, even myself... I don't recall myself being so useless and hopeless and so directionless in life...; Is this one o those lay-off periods that people have? Or is it just me yet again, don't want to learn the lesson?
My clock says it's 1:27 pm... I haven't had my lunch... I haven't gone to church... I haven't done a single freaking thing that I am proud off for the last week... Should I go on to punish myself by not eating again today? Maybe I should... Maybe I must... To keep reminding myself of how horrible a person that I have become... You know... It's so stupid... So freaking frustrating that one can realize the bad changes in oneself yet chooses to do nothing about it... I think I fall into that category.... I really wish someone could just really, literally, smack me in the face or on the head or stomach or up the a**...Just so some senses can come back into this empty head of mine... All those rubbish excuses that I made for myself is so darn good that if there is ever a competition about making excuses, I would win it... I recall someone once told me that not being able to do anything is not the excuse for not trying to do everything I could...I must change... I MUST...
Freaking idiot in the freaking world doing freaking stupid things trying to freaking change everything... That's me... Lord... Help me... I don't want to drift away...
My clock says it's 1:27 pm... I haven't had my lunch... I haven't gone to church... I haven't done a single freaking thing that I am proud off for the last week... Should I go on to punish myself by not eating again today? Maybe I should... Maybe I must... To keep reminding myself of how horrible a person that I have become... You know... It's so stupid... So freaking frustrating that one can realize the bad changes in oneself yet chooses to do nothing about it... I think I fall into that category.... I really wish someone could just really, literally, smack me in the face or on the head or stomach or up the a**...Just so some senses can come back into this empty head of mine... All those rubbish excuses that I made for myself is so darn good that if there is ever a competition about making excuses, I would win it... I recall someone once told me that not being able to do anything is not the excuse for not trying to do everything I could...I must change... I MUST...
Freaking idiot in the freaking world doing freaking stupid things trying to freaking change everything... That's me... Lord... Help me... I don't want to drift away...
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