Sometimes, I wonder why God created such a thing called promise... It's... So hard to fulfill them, yet so easy to make one... I talked to a friend yesterday... He asked me if I am still gonna attend the event... I said yes... And he asked why... "I made a promise and I intend to fulfill it.."... You know what he said? He said well, indirectly, that I am a fool... And that somebody is someone who expects people to keep their promises but not hers... I am sorry but I beg to differ... I knew that she meant every word she said when we were together... I know that when she says those three words, she means it... Yes, you may think that I am an idiot... But I never regretted... Many people keep telling me to let go but it's hard you know? I guess this is where "easier said than done" applies...
Endured yet another sleepless night... Endured yet another body aching morning wake up... Today is much more serious... I can't get myself to wake up... The pain was a bit too much to bear... And... I am ashamed of myself... I am really drifting away from Him... I don't want to be this way.. I don't want that just because of a broken relationship, that I will slowly walk out on God... It's stupid... It's idiotic... But... I can't help myself... Since then, everything is going
spiral down... Money is a huge problem... My health is not getting any better tho those pimples are going away... I can't concentrate that well in class tho I may look like it... And laziness is creeping on me... Somehow, most things felt meaningless... Yea... Hopeless as well... Is this normal? Tell me it's not, maybe I'll snap out of it...
Two days past and yet not one message... Maybe, ran out of credit? Or are You telling me that I shouldn't harbour any hopes anymore? But how can I? Lord, remember that pledge? Am I stuck this way because of that? Lord, help me... Lord... Please..........
You know, for the past few weeks I have been trying... Maybe to like someone else... Maybe just to stop thinking about it again... But I realized quickly that even if I were to start another relationship, she will be no more than just a substitute, a replacement... She will be hurt more than anyone else... Besides, it's totally absurd to be praying for a special one or THE ONE... It's just stupid... And... I still very much l**e her... She maybe gone.. But seriously, happiness is what I hope fills her now... And that the persecutions will lessen... But I don't feel easy... About all this... How it ended... It's fishy or is it just jealousy? I don't know.. I have to stop thinking about it... I have to stop stop stop...
Promises... I made a tons of them but yet never get to fulfill most of them... I am so afraid of making one now... That one promise can wreck people's lives... That one promise could leave a scar on one's heart... This promise of attending the event... Fulfill it I must... Because I don't want to break any promises anymore... Can I be selfish? Can he not go?? I don't know... *sigh*... Can I stop being so selfish...
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