If it isn't the vacation you really planned...

Well, I guess all we have to do is wait 'til the vacation is over? Ahhh, who am I kidding? It's fast becoming one of those vacations where my friends are not here... I've been through that once or twice and it ain't pretty. I don't really like sitting at home (been doing that for the best part of my high school days) and I miss my buddies and pals. Too bad they're scattered all over Malaysia now... Well, literally.

Nesa - Penang
Pradeep - Seremban
Wong- KL (not confirmed)
Wan and Ezad - KL
Kevin - *sigh* God knows where...

and... the rest are pretty much in Kampar or Penang or KL... Hot spots for Taiping boys.

So I decided to get out my lair today and went over to Taiping Sentral (you shall be named TS from now on) and watch a movie. Lo and behold! Sherlock Holmes was up and I had to choose that because MI4 is at 5.45pm (had to get back by 6 to help mom with cleaning up her mini... very mini garden and cooking... well, the rice). But Sherly it is!

It was a very foreveralone.jpg affair though. There were only 2 guys sitting in my row and we're far apart. But enjoyed the movie, I have. After all, Sherlock is so witty and gutsy,what can go wrong? Yea, he's English. Tea, gentlemen and ladies? (I had to do that)

Ah yes yes, I realize it all may sound quite miserable but it isn't that bad. I've got the internet as my full-time partner  compa..nion... device. Ah sh*t, it is miserable. And it sucks that I can't see her as well.

So it wasn't really the vacation I hoped it would be but it's nice to be home and get away from all the busy bee life in PJ/KL.

Oh did I mention I've been watching The Spectacular Spiderman series? ... Never mind.

So came the end of another year

"A straight yet narrow path I have travelled,

Down the new roads and memory lanes,

I've soared above the clouds, dropped beneath the pits,

I swam against the rivers, sailed across the oceans.
If by anything at all,
I held on because I was made could,
By His calming Hands and careful guidance."

So here comes to the final days of another year. 

What has the year taught me?

It has taught me a lot of things of which, I won't remember learning them from this year, but things that I will hung onto for the rest of my life...

My eyes were opened this year... To how fragile life can be... To how imperfect systems can be... To how the world needs help... To how... imperfect and helpless I can be at times.

Perhaps there's more ground work to do for me. I have not grown the way I wished to but it's a step ahead, a step forward. And I know He is by my side. He will help me.

And so, it brings me to this word: Hope, the partner of Faith and Love. Surely, without Hope, I wouldn't have ended up where I am today.

As hopeless as I would have been in my earlier days, I have learned that Hope is not something you abandon... Even if the stakes are against you.

Because when there's room for Faith and Love and when there's room for stupid thoughts, there will room for Hope to always give us a second chance.

 I realize we have a mechanical flaw called sin. We cannot always be right, pure and perfect but c'est la vie. We have to face our own doings and mistakes. We have to move ahead.

There's only one way and the way is forward. I pray for each one of us that we will realize each day is a gift and not a God-given right. The past will always be the behind. The present will always be a gift. The future will always be hopeful to look at.

So came the end of another. Then the dawn of a new year... 2012.

The Girl Who Left and Came Back

"The girl with that long hair,

As my memory slowly recollects,
Her eyes were black,

Her skin was tanned,

Her hands met mine,

as we slide down the slide

in a garden where all children gather and play,

and meet the sunset's orange ray."

That girl came back today.

It's gonna be a somewhat emotional post today. But my blog posts are emotional anyway. *wink wink*. Anyway, many people would be thinking if that girl is my girlfriend or something (I have a girlfriend and I love her a lot!) but she is not. She is someone who holds a very special place in my life. She is someone whom I spent half of my childhood days with. She is someone whom I first shared an ice-cream with, the first person to ride a bicycle with and the first person whom I knock into while cycling (nothing happened! ok, maybe minor injuries and we cried a lot). She is like my sister, except she is my cousin, my lovely cousin. Oh, how I miss those days.

You know, she left us (family) under very difficult circumstances... Circumstances that I would never reveal here. But thinking back, when grandma returned to the Lord, a series of unfortunate events struck our families. We have had our problems. I remember her spending her "last days" in her primary school while I was just starting mine. Then one day, she suddenly was not there any more. Did I cry? I can't remember tho. Perhaps I did cry because that was when my dad left us. And I had no one to turn to. Mom is very much lost as well. My other pillar of strength was not there any more. Perhaps... I did cry.

After that, Chinese New Years were not the same any more. Holidays were not the same any more. Even dinners (we used to eat together) were not the same any more. Your smiles and laughters were missing, jie. Since my highschool days, I would always think "what might have been" if you were still here, especially when I'm always talking to the four walls at home. There was a total lost in contact, lost in everything. I wished you were here at times. You were always there when I was little. You were always the first one to see me if I'm sick or hurt. I remember very well, even if all this happened when I was awfully little.

Do you remember the days we went to the lake gardens in the evening? Do you remember jogging with your dad? Do you remember how I used to lag behind both of you (I've got weight issues!)? Do you remember sitting at the top of the big big slide, waiting for the sun to set? I remember a lot of them...

Today, you came back, jie. And the memories just keep playing in my head. After a long 14 years, you finally came back. Although it was just for a short few hours.... you came back. The girl who was once taller than me has now become a beautiful lady... and yea, shorter than me. How much have we grown, jie... And your voice changed too.

After all those years, your birthdays that I missed, times when you needed a friend, times when I wasn't there... I'm sorry... for not remembering or not being there for you...

In a month or two, she will be flying off to Perth for a one-year education programme. Then... she will be leaving us again... But as always, I hope that she will always be the girl who left and came back. All the best in your undertakings, jie. And remember that your families, your cousins especially will always be here when you need us. We missed you and we love you. Always. See ya!

When the end is the beginning of something new

"Change, people, is something we can never avoid no matter how much we want to stay away from it. But the fact is, life is always changing. Being static basically just means you will be left behind. That is the nature of reality, time and... life. Whether we like it or not, we are governed by time which will, well, never stop until He stops it Himself.

From the first ray of the morn' to the intense blaze of the noon to the lazy heat of the evening to the hint of dark at dusk to the quiet night. These are merely some changes that come along with time; a cycle of time."



The day is 14th Dec 2011. It was the last CF meeting of the semester and was also the Christmas celebration day. So I offered to make egg sandwiches as extra food to go with the KFC that Ben was already getting. Funnily enough, deep thoughts struck you when you least expected it or in my case,sometimes when I'm doing big business in the toilet. Sooooooooo, the top part of this post was from those thoughts when I was making SANDWICHES.

And so, it was then, when it occurred to me that a few of the peeps are going off next semester to other campuses. Who you say?

Well, first there's Marvin. A man after God's heart. A responsible guy, a good companion and friend, an able assistant and most of all an available man (by which, I mean he's always there when you need something). I got to know about him when he wanted to start a new CF in campus. CF was already running at the time albeit a little low profile. But you could see his fire for God. Later he told me it was Moky who asked him to do it. Still, you need an amount of passion and fire before starting something. For that I salute you!

Then there's Cwin (it's pronounced as Jin and not C-win, guys, please). Somehow, I have no recollection of how we met. The only memory that is stuck in my brain is this: a girl wearing big, yellow, Nike shoes sitting in a circle with other CF members. God had a plan for her and His plan was to draft her into the committee together with Marvin. She's again a very good assistant and helper to me. She doesn't complain a lot and does things that she doesn't like to do. I remember making her wait at a KTM station once (I'm terribly sorry!) but she waited nonetheless. Even accompanied us to shopping after the looonng wait, with a smile and contagious laugh. ;)

I do not regret knowing these two wonderful people. I do not regret working and serving the Lord with them. It was a joy. The only regret I have is that we didn't really got off to know more about each other. But there're always time for things. :)

So, thank you, Marvin, Cwin. Thank you for your wonderful service and friendship. Thank you for the passion in serving and enthusiasm that infected the whole CF.

Like I said, changes are necessary but changes is what we must face. As you go to Kampar, you both will always be in our prayers, thoughts and hearts. Remember to continue serving the Lord there!

See you two soon. :)

p.s to Yean Lynn and Natalie, it's been a joy knowing both of you too! :) Don't forget about us here because we will not forget about you! Keep growing, keep the fire burnin' for Christ!

The failings of a team...

It reflects that the leader has failed in some ways or another.

There are ways that we could do to improve but for my part, I have at times failed to live up to expectations or have I been expecting too much? I love my committee but there are ways we can improve on.

Perhaps I should have urged the team and follow up more. Am I still good enough?

Dream

Hi baby ;) will get you soon.

Hmm

54 - years of independence
1 - year since 1Malaysia started
38 million - spent on the Programme
0 - what 1Malaysia has done since
80% - total population who always thought we were one before 1Malaysia

2 - most important documents (IC and Driving license)since independence
2 - documents needed to travel abroad
∞ - documents needed to start a business
1 - permit needed to hold a rally
0% - chances that police would give you the permit
1 - permit needed to go public carolling
100% - stupid.

does this make sense?

A figment of my memory

So here you are again. I cannot really make out who you are although I think you do look familiar. And I do find you strangely annoying because you asking me to remember things. Where is this place anyway?

"I think his condition has gotten worse."

Condition? What condition? I'm perfectly fine. Young lad, don't make it seem like I'm invisible. What's with this other guy? With that long white robe and all?

"He seems fine."

Good lad. Now, lad with the striped T-shirt, can you take me home? ... Home... Where is my...? Hey, what the heck are you doing? Why are you pulling up my shirt?

"Now, don't be afraid. I'm just checking your heart beat..."

Don't talk to me like I'm a little boy. I'm already... already... How old am I? ... Hey that thing-of-a-jing is cold! Stop it!

"Has he been talking lately?"
"No, doc. Just weird sounds."
"Does he eat?"
"Little..."

Hey, I'm not invisible here, you two brats. Now tell me, where I am! And you! Stop looking at me like that! W-w-what are you doing? Why are you flashing that light? It hurts! My eyes! Stop!

"Just a little longer. Now, Mr P, do you remember who you are?"

Of course I do... I'm... I'm.... I'm Mr P! No, wait... Who is Mr P???

"Slowly now..."

...

"He doesn't look like he can speak. Frank, it's time."

What time? Who's Frank? You??

"But doc, is there no other way?"
"I'm afraid it's too severe now."

Please, lads. Let me go home! Wherever that may be!

"Dad... Do you remember me?"

Why are asking me to remember things again? Who is your dad? Do I even have a son? ... Do I...?

Memories

We laugh, we cry, we're happy, we're sad, we fret, we get disappointed, we get angry.

I remember the first time I fell from a bicycle and got my right cheek's skin scrapped off. It was painful, but I ran to my friend's house to hide from my mom. Apparently, mom getting angry was worse than the pain.

I remember the first day to school. I took up my bag (it was huge for a 7-year-old) and fell backwards and waddled like a turtle; the bag being my shell and all and got rescued by dad.

I remember my first funeral experience; thinking grandma was just lying there and all the while contemplating with the concept of death... Grandma, how much I missed you...

I remember the day when he left. It was painful, it threw my life upside down. I was bitter (probably still am, but more mellow.).

I remember the day when He came and set my life straight again. How He changed my life, my thoughts, my attitudes and principles... How He loved me, is beyond comparison.

I remember the first time I fell in and out of love. It was painful and heart-sinking. It felt like the world ended. But like my uncle always say "if you fall in love, you are most likely to fall out of it. Be in love." And love, I found in her.

I remember the first day at uni and the new days of my life without family. Everything is so new and so fast that I couldn't really cope with it. A blink of an eye, I am in my 2nd year.


Memories. :)