Any Other Day

For the past couple of weeks, I've been residing in my inner cocoon, trying to figure out things. My mind was in a constant state of flux; drifting into the nether regions of the brain, wrestling with thoughts and emptiness. Emptiness? Yes... It felt as though we are kept alive by merely the fact of existence rather than through living.

So what now? Are all days treated like any other day? Where a constant routine surrounds us in vicious cycle; a spirit of lethargy pressing down on even the most beautiful of days. So this is all there is? After all the years of growth and nurture, this is how one spend the rest of the days?

By slaving for and through a mass system designed to keep us at our knees begging for more pieces of printed paper to be stored inconspicuously in monetary institutions built on human insecurities?

I refuse. I refute. I rebuke.

Wow

The only word that came to my mind was wow. Sitting here and reminiscing memories of the last three years can be summarised by three words; wow, wow and wow!

What the last three year presented was an opportunity to grow and to learn many things about my field and boy have I learned!

And last Saturday was the final year projects screening. It was glorious like what Ms Kang said. Our three years of endeavour and those were our products.

Wish I could have written longer but too tired for today. See you soon!

Sun

"Do you think it will ever rise again?" she asked while looking on to the horizon. It was an abyss of nothingness. It looked cramped with darkness. She trembled as though she heard a soft voice crying out in agony from beyond those light-absent lands.

"It will," he said reassuringly and sat beside her in the damp grass. She looked at him, confused for he would never have wanted to sit on damp grass or anything damp for that matter. He said it would wet his pants and make him look embarrassing, not that anyone would care. She turned her attention to the darkness again and hugged her feet, resting her chin on her knees. It was cold too. She bemoaned she'd forgotten where she kept her jacket.

"How can you be sure?" she asked lazily. They have had this conversation for a while now. And each time before she could have the answer, he would walk away or stay silent. Either of this is going to happen again, she reckoned.

"Hmmm," came the reply. She sat up and looked at him. Does he have an answer at last, she wondered. The sun hasn't been rising in a long time. People have grown so accustomed to the darkness that they hardly even get bothered now. But he was different. He retained hope.

"Do you still remember how the sun looks like?" he asked in uncannily fashion. She rolled her eyes. She was expecting an intellectual answer, not a question-answer. She shrugged and mumbled, "I don't remember."

He chuckled. She nudged him hard that he almost fell to the ground. It was effective in stopping his tease. They sat in silence again.

The frogs began to croak.

"They're singing for the rain now," he said. She nodded.

"I still remember how the sun feels like," he said. Her eyes opened and they were focused on him.

"I still remember how it looks like too," he said, softly, looking at her eyes and continued, "Will you smile for me?"

She let out a huge sigh and closed her eyes. Then a sudden warmth embraced her. She felt his heartbeat.

"My sun is right here," he said.

Alas

"You can never understand my intentions, can you?" she asked with the most ferocious of eyes.

Despite the voice being weak, you could feel the flames of wrath in her eyes. They were in the balcony. Bob was lying down under the shade with his belly up. You'd have to pity creatures with fur such as his. If they were suffering from the sweltering heat, Bob would be dying.

But Elaina was not mad at Bob. The hangers of the swing creaked from years of rust. Elaina stood by, watching him swing back and forth. Her hands folded and she tried standing straight to show her stricture. But clearly, this hasn't done any good. Adam stared into nothingness.

Elaina was adamant but only for a moment. Slowly, her arms loosen and her spine relaxed. She let out a huge sigh. Bob turned around and looked up. As if sensing what Elaina was thinking, he walked over and sat near her. She sat down and brushed his fur softly and slowly. Bob licked her hand as she rubbed his chin as if trying to console her from her fatigue.

Adam stared no more into nothingness but Elaina and Bob. She looked up and stared into his eyes. She saw nothing.

"Are you going to apologize?" Elaina asked, only now with more pain than flame in her eyes and heart. Adam replied nothing.

She waved for him to come over. He was hesitant.

"Mama, I'm sorry," he said softly.

She smiled weakly. He got up and walked slowly towards her. A breeze came. Bob stood up and with all his might, tried to feel the breeze surfing through his fur. He let out a soft bark.

"Will he come back?" Adam asked.

The breeze glided their skins. Elaina's hair danced to the music of the wind. As the breeze whistled, Elaina held Adam tightly in her arms.

An Extension of Will

When terrains were unfounded,
Boundaries not drawn,
Lands unclaimed,
Man seek for names to be bore.

Maps were invented,
Lines were marked,
Fields plowed and wars waged,
Flags erect, he declared for more.

When time was a nature unknown,
When day was just light,
And night was just darkness,
Man seek to have it keepeth.

Sun dials took the first bow,
Soon came towers with ticking hands and numbers,
In which activities are kept in sound of the bells,
By which we became gears of a universal clock.

As maps were drawn,
And clocks keepeth time,
Distance began to be a trouble in sight,
Man seek for relations away from his eyes.

Words sent in envelopes,
News conveyed with electrical signals,
A village he saw in awe,
A village without boundaries and freedom for all.

But man so yearns for dominion,
His spear reaches no end,
His strength bore from fear,
By and in which weapons came to the fore.

It is but a festival of powers,
As fires danced and burst in laughters,
Around the lands lay people wondering,
In death, in shame, man's folly and sin.

The shallows in inventions,
In which intent man saw an end of a moil,
Alas but strutting in bruised pride,
An extension of will, gained naught.

Good Ol' Days

It's a bit proper to end the year with one final 2012 blog post, I think. Hence, I'm writing this. To be honest, I've been trying to write something but the words didn't flow so I just deleted lots of the drafts. 

So what is it going to be this time?

Resolutions? Hmm, I'll keep that to myself, thank you very much.

Future plannings? One step at a time.

Well... *shrugs*

I don't know. Since stepping foot into my university life, every year has been a roller coaster ride. It has always been that way, come to think of it. However the rides are wilder as the years gone by.

But in six months time, I'll be graduating. Graduation is another turning point in my life. It's one of the greatest ones too. All those years spent on my education would now be used to write the penultimate chapter in my life: my working life. A life that would take up about two thirds of the remaining years God intends me to have.

Is that scary?

Well, uncertainties are always scary.

I then remembered the first time I tried to ride a bicycle without the help of the two smaller wheels by the sides. My uncle took off one of the side wheels first and let me cycle in an awkwardly balanced bike. It was funny and after a while, he asked me to stop. I got off the bike and he kneeled down beside it. He held the bicycle firmly with his left hand and with his right, now holding a spanar, he was determined to send me to my doom. Every little turn to unscrew the nut made my heart pound a little bit faster. The nut came undone and fell to the ground. He smiled and nudged me.

I got up the bike, struggling to balance myself (I was a tad too short) and the bike to stand firmly on the ground. As I struggled, I cannot begin to understand the mechanics of this two-wheeled vehicle. How can I not fall from this?

"Go on," he said.

It is like that now. 

At this very moment, as the new year looms, the nut is being unscrewed; slowly but surely. I watch with many doubts and uncertainties, provided my heart isn't pounding that hard and fast but you get the idea.

One funny gift that God has given us is the ability to create memories. Wouldn't it be sad (I think a bit funny, too) if we keep forgetting about things after three seconds, like how a goldfish does? Memories are very precious things. Yes, they come in packages, good and bad. I think there's a reason why they come in packages too. It's the old saying of take the good, learn from the bad but then again, there're much things to learn from the good as well.

This year has definitely been one of the most bittersweet years. It started off ok, went downhill towards the middle but picked up just in time again before the year ends. And this is where memories are created, where the good and the bad are absorbed, learnt from and remembered. They maybe bittersweet but I would definitely look back in time when I'm older and tell my wife that those were the "good ol' days".

The good ol' days when I started off the year with a determination to make it a different year and to enhance my skills. But it sizzled off, and I fell out of my relationship (let's be honest here). The downs made me realize how weak and feeble I was. Then, I tried rebuilding again. I prayed that it would be the last time I do so because I cannot keep rebuilding. It would be taking three steps forward and two steps back. I need to change.

Perhaps, it'd be the good ol' days when I finally see what God meant by loving someone; simple, natural and beautiful. The kind of love where we don't need to force ourselves to pacify our partners because it all comes so naturally. 

Having said that, to meet her under such circumstances and to have her train me in the most peculiar way in lessons about patience, faith and love... It's what makes this year so sweet. We both understand how hard it could be to maintain a relationship. But we are determined to learn from the changes of the turning points that will come. We both hope and pray to be stronger every day. We both don't know what the future has in store for us but it is following where God leads us, one step at a time.

As I put my foot on the pedal of that bike, thoughts of falling off the bike and hurting myself gushed into my mind. But challenges excite me. So, I pushed my right foot to set off the pedals in circular motion, the chains with it and the wheels duly followed. The bicycle went forward. I wobbled and tried my very best to be in control of my handlebars as it swirled left and right.

"Don't worry! Just keep pedaling!" he shouted.

I did. And it gave me an important lesson about life: it goes on.

Definitely the good ol' days.

Love: it's patient, it's kind; it means not being pushy for quick results or trying to be hasty. It's not jealous or unhappy about the other's success, it's not boastful nor proud nor rude. it never puts the other in a bad light.

Love shouldn't and won't demand its own way, it's not selfish nor self-serving nor conceited. it always puts the other first and gives the benefit of the doubt. It's not about keeping scores or paying attention of the wrong done.

Love rejoices in truth, there'll be no lies. It never gives up, it bears up everything and anything. It patiently accepts all things and that God is in control.

Love believes. It believes in all things, it believes the best in the other. Love trusts the other.

You need faith, hope and love to live in this world. But when you've found eternity, you don't need faith because you're already there. You don't need hope because you're already with Him.

But for eternal, forever, to be worthwhile... all it needs is love.