So what is it going to be this time?
Resolutions? Hmm, I'll keep that to myself, thank you very much.
Resolutions? Hmm, I'll keep that to myself, thank you very much.
Future plannings? One step at a time.
Well... *shrugs*
I don't know. Since stepping foot into my university life, every year has been a roller coaster ride. It has always been that way, come to think of it. However the rides are wilder as the years gone by.
But in six months time, I'll be graduating. Graduation is another turning point in my life. It's one of the greatest ones too. All those years spent on my education would now be used to write the penultimate chapter in my life: my working life. A life that would take up about two thirds of the remaining years God intends me to have.
Is that scary?
Well, uncertainties are always scary.
I then remembered the first time I tried to ride a bicycle without the help of the two smaller wheels by the sides. My uncle took off one of the side wheels first and let me cycle in an awkwardly balanced bike. It was funny and after a while, he asked me to stop. I got off the bike and he kneeled down beside it. He held the bicycle firmly with his left hand and with his right, now holding a spanar, he was determined to send me to my doom. Every little turn to unscrew the nut made my heart pound a little bit faster. The nut came undone and fell to the ground. He smiled and nudged me.
I got up the bike, struggling to balance myself (I was a tad too short) and the bike to stand firmly on the ground. As I struggled, I cannot begin to understand the mechanics of this two-wheeled vehicle. How can I not fall from this?
"Go on," he said.
It is like that now.
At this very moment, as the new year looms, the nut is being unscrewed; slowly but surely. I watch with many doubts and uncertainties, provided my heart isn't pounding that hard and fast but you get the idea.
One funny gift that God has given us is the ability to create memories. Wouldn't it be sad (I think a bit funny, too) if we keep forgetting about things after three seconds, like how a goldfish does? Memories are very precious things. Yes, they come in packages, good and bad. I think there's a reason why they come in packages too. It's the old saying of take the good, learn from the bad but then again, there're much things to learn from the good as well.
This year has definitely been one of the most bittersweet years. It started off ok, went downhill towards the middle but picked up just in time again before the year ends. And this is where memories are created, where the good and the bad are absorbed, learnt from and remembered. They maybe bittersweet but I would definitely look back in time when I'm older and tell my wife that those were the "good ol' days".
The good ol' days when I started off the year with a determination to make it a different year and to enhance my skills. But it sizzled off, and I fell out of my relationship (let's be honest here). The downs made me realize how weak and feeble I was. Then, I tried rebuilding again. I prayed that it would be the last time I do so because I cannot keep rebuilding. It would be taking three steps forward and two steps back. I need to change.
Perhaps, it'd be the good ol' days when I finally see what God meant by loving someone; simple, natural and beautiful. The kind of love where we don't need to force ourselves to pacify our partners because it all comes so naturally.
Having said that, to meet her under such circumstances and to have her train me in the most peculiar way in lessons about patience, faith and love... It's what makes this year so sweet. We both understand how hard it could be to maintain a relationship. But we are determined to learn from the changes of the turning points that will come. We both hope and pray to be stronger every day. We both don't know what the future has in store for us but it is following where God leads us, one step at a time.
As I put my foot on the pedal of that bike, thoughts of falling off the bike and hurting myself gushed into my mind. But challenges excite me. So, I pushed my right foot to set off the pedals in circular motion, the chains with it and the wheels duly followed. The bicycle went forward. I wobbled and tried my very best to be in control of my handlebars as it swirled left and right.
"Don't worry! Just keep pedaling!" he shouted.
I did. And it gave me an important lesson about life: it goes on.
Definitely the good ol' days.
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