Mistake?

Mistakes... I guess most of the time people make them.. Cos we are not perfect beings... And perhaps... I made the biggest mistake in my life two weeks ago when I let go of her... Perhaps... Thinking back... We could have go on and still learn to be more matured and more loving towards God... But sometimes everything happens for a reason...


Looking back.. WE did a terrible mistake... We let our love took the priority over God... Perhaps.. Ift's not WE... Maybe... ME... Yea... Realising this now made me regret that I ever done this... Maybe this is why God says it's not the time yet... She's really trying her best to keep this distance between us... Yea... Me too... But it all seems weird... I don't know... Maybe I should get used to this for a few years... Or till the day we'd be together again...


I don't know if that day will come... Ka cheh told me that when then time is gone, it's gone... But... I don't want it to be that way... I want none of this to happen in the first place... Maybe it's my selfishness on act again... I don't know... As for now... I can only pray for her... Her life to be better... Even if it means her life without me in it... I just want her to be happy... I hope she really does lead a happy life... No more can I ask for...


And guess what? She is happy today! Praise God for that... At least I know my prayers are answered... I hope she can be this happy everyday...

Since that day... My ka cheh said... I am not me anymore... Hmm... I don't know.. Perhaps it's true... It'd seem like I lost a big part of me... I never realised that she'd be this large in me... The impact and everything... And I love every single part of it... Yes... I still do... Yea.. Perhaps being apart means losing this big part of me... I hardly smile now... Well, in front of people, I would fake it, of course... BUT... I still don't think I lost it.. I mean her in my life... I am just merely keeping it deep down in me... I guess It's like a novel... I haven't finished reading it yet and just merely put it on the shelf... Yea.. I guess that's it... I hope that's it...

I hope she never sees this blog... Only compiles misery upon her... Maybe I shouldn't even started this on the first place but I need a place to throw out this thoughts... Yea... Selfish me again... Dear... I hope you will have a better life ahead ... I am not giving up... I love you... And I mean it... And I still Love you more and more everyday even if it meant we are apart... I still haven't forgotten the promises... I still haven't forgotten your love and your care... I never will... I pray that I will never fall in love again because... I really... Dear... I really just want you to be the last... I hope God can answer this prayer... I don't know... I can only wait... Dear... If you can't wait, it's ok... Go! enjoy life... :)... And do know... That... You will always be... my important and special one... I... Love... You...

Oh, who am i kidding?? She never get to see this blog anyway... Monologuing again.... But seriously... I love her...