YES... I admit... I am falling into depression... I am more aware and alert... I am so afraid now... I am so so so so so scared... I don't know what to do... I don't know if I should cry... I don't know if I have to go bang my head into the wall just so I can have some sleep... I don't want to be doing and focusing on something and suddenly, tears would just flow... I don't want to let go and yet I must... I don't like being like this, I don't like to be emo... I want to smile and yet I can't... I want to laugh as hard as I could and yet I can't... I know what I have to do but I don't want to because it is not born out of a sincere heart... So this is the art of being depressed... Being so confused, so indirected in everything, so lost and so hopeless and lifeless...
Ok... So I know the problem now... I must solve it... I must climb back up after this fall... I cannot just stay defeated... But... I don't know how... So I muster up all my courage and told her I am sorry for being cold to her yesterday... You know it's so stupid... I've been waiting and waiting for the whole day for her text message... And when she finally does text me, I just turn her a cold shoulder... What an idiot... But it's so complicated... I don't know how to react... Ok ok... enough of that.. And ok, I did feel a lil bit better... but still very much down and blue and whatever stupid trash thoughts still haunt me... And after that... I tossed and turn and tossed and turn in my bed for about two hours and finally, I give in to my eyes and say, "look, dudes.. If you want to cry, just cry, would ya?"... And so they did... Cried for another hour and still can't sleep... Oh gosh, WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME??? That question, I have no idea who it is directed to but I think it's mostly to the devil...
From that moment, got out of bed, switched on my laptop, went to dawn jie's blog and searched... and AH HA! The teletubby methodology... Yes... I need it... So I followed the steps... hey if it worked on someone, why not me? Besides... I really don't feel like talking to anyone... Lest I hurt their feelings... So:
Step 1 : Take a DEEP breathe. And say (MEAN it as you voice it out), "Dear God, I love you." (* acknowledge that HE created us and thus understands us and loves us best Himself. Respond to His love)
Step 2 : Let out the air in your lungs slowly and tell God, " Please help me out here... I really need you..." ( * understand nothing is too great a problem for our Big God)
And guessed what? It did worked! Ok.. At least, I did have some sleep... And sorry dawn jie for directly copying it out of your blog... Haha! Cos I am still new at this... but it does help... And kudos to teletubby bro for founding such a method to counteract the stupid lies and thoughts... All praises go to God... And right... All true that Nothing is too great a problem for our BIG GOD... I believe... This will soon be over... This art of being depressed being erased in my life...
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