Spectating.

Sometimes, being a spectator as the world spins is very very hard to take. You start to be stagnant, while others just move on with their lives. You're forgotten or rather, you think you're forgotten. But like spectators of a football match or an audience in the cinema, this is what you do... You sit there, watching, thinking, sucking in whatever is showed to you. Apply that to life and what appears to be reality suddenly looks like a soap opera of sorts.

Isn't life full of contradictions then? If Shakespear said that we are all actors in a stage called life, then why... Why am I here spectating this soap opera? Does it mean that I've lost my script? Or is this His way to teach me a few things?

I'm tired. And as I try to accept what I'm shown, I find it hard. I start to alienate myself from what I'm watching, from the actor and actress involved. Not too long ago, I was the actor. Not too long ago, I held the script. but not anymore. The director decided that I suck, took my script, tear it to shreds and kicked me out. He then printed a new one for this new actor when he could have just took my script and gave it to him; not to mention that it could have saved a few trees. However, I digress.

Spectating is a very lonely affair. The stage play runs, but you're the only person watching it because well, it's your stage, your life. While others move up and play their parts in your stage, you start to realize what kind of persons they are. Then... you question yourself... You question them... And loneliness is not a very nice affair to have. Many times, we said that we want to be alone but really, don't you just want someone to be there and pat your shoulder/head and say everything's gonna be alright? That everything is gonna be okay? No? Okay, that just applies to me then.

As the stage play spews the unspewable and inconceivable thoughts, you start to hallucinate and think more than you should. You start to long for the stage that was once yours. You hit an all time low. You call out but no one listens because the stage play is well, playing and the performers won't stop until the play has ended.

Part of this spectating debacle is that once in a while you try to get someone in to watch the play with you. Many times, I felt that it's unfair because the play is meant for you. Bringing someone in meant they would have to share the burden of spectating with you. However, I know it's nice to have that someone to accompany you even if he/she only watches a small part of the play. But you do know that sooner or later that someone would have to leave your play because he/she has their own play to attend to, no?

Okay, well, as a last note, spectating also makes you look like a complete whiny idiot. Just check my Twitter.